Thursday, November 4, 2010

It's raining...

outside and inside today.

Patrick is extremely emotional today. (could be because he woke up 2 hours after going to sleep last night and so snuggled with Mom til' he fell back asleep-which took a while- and then was awake by 6:00 AM)

He's not the only emotional one though. Mom is today too. Why? Just because. I don't want anyone out there who reads this blog to ever think that things are perfect here.
They aren't, they are good-very good but...we all have our days.

There are days, especially lately, and sometimes weeks that my kids watch WAY too much tv because that is what I can handle that day.
There are days that we have melt down after melt down where I finish the day with a meltdown of my own because I didn't handle their meltdowns the way I wanted, or the Lord maybe, wanted me to.
There are days, like this morning, that my husband says, "Am I going to come home one child less?" and my response is, "no, but maybe wifeless because they are for real going to put me in my grave today."

There are days when everything goes wrong, not with kids.
There are trials that we endure, that don't get posted, and wonder how we are going to make it through.

There are just days...for everyone.

And today, is one of those days, for me. No pity party please, this is for me and me only. I haven't been so "crying emotional" this pregnancy-as I have stated before-but angry/frustrated emotional. Well, today I feel that "crying emotional"...only inside-is that weird? Yeah, probably, but whoever said I was "normal"? :)

So why is today one of "those" days? Oh, a lot of things running through my mind-things that I can't seem to get out of it. Stuff that doesn't make the day bad but just one of "those" get what I'm sayin'?

I miss my dad today. Yes, he is still around and doing well, but I miss him. I want to see him.
I sometimes don't think he knows how much I love him. It is probably hard for him to understand that due to our life growing up-I don't blame him, but myself. I love him a lot and am so thankful for the example he has set for me in so many ways.

I feel bad for my husband and that he has had to deal with me this week, I haven't been the most patient or easiest person to deal with this week. Sorry babe, and thank you for still loving me even when I may seem quite un-loveable.

I feel bad for raising my voice at the kids so much yesterday (yes, that is a fault I have, unfortunately).

I am tired of feeling like I can't do anything right...and I know that that only comes from, I need to knock it off. :)

There are more things but for real...this is enough blubbering as it is. I actually do feel a lot better already. Just needed to vent.

See, things aren't always peachy here. However, it is nice when that whiny little boy crawls on your lap and says, "I wanna hold you, I wanna hold you." and cups his hands around your face just to look at you and for you to look at him. Those moments make all my whiny moments so worth it. They just plum knock all those silly, "woe is me" comments/thoughts out of existence.

Oh, and for that "Giving Thanks" moment...

I am thankful today for my sweet husband letting me take an uninterrupted shower this morning before he left for work-it was great. Oh, and also that he gets me flowers only on occassion, I feel like it means so much more...and that they are alwys my favorite ones! I love him.


Melinda said...

Totally get it. I've had that kind of week too. Most of the meltdowns at our house the past couple of days have been Mommy. (And I can't blame pregnancy hormones, darn it.)

PS: thanks for the comment on my blog a little bit ago. It came at a good time for me and help me a lot.

Porter and Karla said...

If I can add my two cents I think Satan is trying to make you feel all these things and deter you and your efforts as you approach bringing a new spirit of Heavenly Fathers into this world. You are doing great.... you have two kids and one on the way and you are a wonderful momma, we all have those days. Hang in there and stay positive. When I feel about ready to burst I bring my kids in and we say a prayer... im usually begging for peace with tears down my face but it always helps:) you are amazing.

JennVan said...

Thanks for the "real" post. I think it helps us to escape this idea that we sometimes feel about people who blog because we don't always get to see the down times. I love that you could share where you really are and know that it will be better even when its really not great. I think it makes you a more authentic person and blogger and I appreciate it. Thanks Shannon!