I went in to my Dr. last week because I had the start of Mastitis (SP??), a nursing caused infection. She made mention of me probably being tired and when she said it, it felt like someone had died...to me. I felt the emotion swelling up in my throat and eyes and coached myself, in my head, until I got a bit of control over my voice and my eyes. I shared with her my thoughts about everything from being exhausted, to feeling fat and ugly to not wanting my hubby to even look at me. I loved that she didn't worry whether I was having "post partum depression" but realized, just as she had gone through, that I was plum exhausted. This is not a complaint, something I gladly except actually because of the reason behind it all. It just is what it is. It is hard. Life is hard sometimes even when you have been blessed beyond your imaginations. It can be hard because you have no job, because you are physically ill or impaired, because you are tired (like me) and the list goes on (like a million miles). And you know what, you don't always have to put on a brave face because sometimes... it is just hard and well, that's okay. You don't need sympathy (sometimes it is nice), you don't need to hide behind a face of "happy go lucky", you don't need cookies....you just need to be allowed to do a woe is me and move on. Am I wrong?? Maybe to some of you I am but for me, it helps. Like spilling all that to my Dr., that was my moment and I was sure glad I did it because it helped me move forward. Am I cured of all those feelings? Certainly not and I am sure that my MIL is so tired of hearing me whine about my weight and the way I look but I am moving forward, thankfully. So, why I share this I am not sure...maybe someone else will feel like they aren't alone or need a "moment" as I did and then be able to move on. Writing it was just a way for me to learn what I had learned...make sense? Well, it does to me so I guess that's what really matters! ;)
Life isn't perfect and neither are we and it is okay that, that shows sometimes.
1 comment:
I'm so glad you have an understanding doctor! Most would have run out of the room as soon as they sensed any emotion... I'm so sorry life is hard right now. I hope you know how loved and beautiful you are- I'M NOT LYING!!! You and Mike should watch this:
http://www.allisonkimball.com/my_weblog/2011/01/motherhood-a-reality.html
It might brighten your day a bit:)
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