i have absolutely no time to be doing this right now but i need to.
i miss blogging and i miss having an outlet and to find some positives amidst chaos (the main reason i love to blog). i also wanted to jot this down so it was never forgotten, it's helped see us through for the past little while.
the process for this job has been going on for a really long time. it had weeks that made everything look phenomenal and promising and wonderful. it also had weeks that made everything look oh so bleak and unattainable. those weeks were oh so hard. i remember one particular day actually. it was a day that shook my faith, so much so that i worried some of my family. i was angry and hurting and didn't understand why this journey had to take so long, feel so right and be so good for so many people only to fall apart and not happen. it was bad. but i also remember another certain day. it was a saturday, it was a beautiful day outside, warmish and sunny and perfect to ride bikes and enjoy the time outside-and that we did. in fact, we tried to teach maddie to ride her bike without training wheels. it was hard and frustrating, for her and us. why couldn't she just trust us? even if she fell, she knew we would be right there to pick her, hug and love her and make her owies better. but everytime she wobbled, even in slightest she wanted to give up-she'd put her feet down and say she didn't want to try anymore, she wanted her training wheels back on.
that night, after the kiddos went to bed mike and i had a long talk after we read scriptures. that wonderful husband of mine had been thinking about our day and all that we did. he also thought about how faith is like learning to ride a bike. the Lord is directing us, holding on to our seat a lot of time. do we trust that He's there? when we start to wobble do we put our feet down and say, "no, i'm done. i don't want to do this anymore."? often times, yes. that's exactly what we do...or what i do. OR do we we go with it, knowing that it may be a rough and bumpy ride? knowing that there may be some wobbling and possibly even a crash up ahead? knowing that He will let go and let us go for a ways on our own, while watching us and hoping the best for us the entire time? and also knowing that when that possible crash comes (as it so often does) that He will be right there to pick us up, hug and love us and somehow make our "owies" better?
we do have to realize though, that even after all of that, whichever we choose to be our situation, we still need to figure it out and we will still have to try again-at some point. life would never be exciting, or even hard, if we never planned on going somewhere in the first place.
i am incredibly grateful to my husband for seeing this and sharing it with me-it helps me get through a lot now, and try to be better, more faithful and more trusting with my Father in Heaven-He knows where we want to go, we just have to trust His way on getting there.
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