Sunday, May 2, 2010

"I had the best of intentions"...needing advice please

Anyone who knows me well, knows that I am a lover of country music...hence the title of this post. This a song by Travis Tritt (not my favorite singer) that has been rolling through my mind quite a bit lately.
Obviously, not exactly what you want to be rolling through your mind when you are "self-evaluating".

It's been a "how good of a friend are you" self-evaluation.

Do you have those? Ya know, where you feel like you did 'have the best of intentions" to call, or drop by or make and take a cute little goody? For some reason that is where I feel like I fail almost all the time. I have friends that have, unfortunately, fallen prey to my fault and to them I am so sorry. We probably could have been such great friends too, but I wasn't there the way they needed me to be.

I am not looking to hear any "oh shannon's" or "yes, you are a great friend" In fact PLEASE DON'T say any of that.

What I am needing from you, those who do read this blog, is some advice.

How do I get past that part, the part of the "good intention"? Yes, the thought is there, it always is, but how do I get myself to actually do what I know that friend needs or what I just want to do for them?
Maybe this is the answer, by putting this humiliating fault out in the public for all to see, maybe that is the way to overcome it. You might say, just go and do it next time...I need more than that, if you can give it. I want to do better. I don't want to think back and feel like "if only I would have done what I knew I should have for them that one time" anymore.

Again, just advice please. And, thank you ahead of time. ;)


John n Shannon said...

I'm in the same boat w/you. I always have intentions and never follow through. But of course I feel extra guilty when someone does something thoughtful for me. So my advice? Next time you get the prompting, think about how you would feel if someone thought of you or did something for you etc. Then do it. Anytime someone does something for me it's magnified 10x's more than whatever it cost or little time it actually took. Hope that makes sense. I need to do better to. Good luck!

The Juries!! said...

if you don't think I'm going to tell you --- move to Liberty Missouri. There are plenty of nice people that will be friends with you!! And a MEeMaa, too!

Diane said...

I have felt this way quite a lot, so here are a few of my thoughts:

Be prepared. I have thank you cards, sympathy cards, etc. on hand always with stamps on the means when I thinking of it I can do it rather than need to find a card or buy stamps. Along with that is not putting it off. I you want to do something do it then. As soon as it drops on the priority list it doesn't happen.

Also remember that phone calls and simply listening can mean more sometimes that goodies or dinner.

Oh, and don't feel too bad, we all have these "best of intentions" moments...the fact that you want to do better means something.

Erin said...

Hey bayba! First of all, Heavenly Father and Jesus NEVER want you to feel guilty or self loathing. So if you feel anything like that- STOP. According to Christ himself it's incredibly important to "feed my sheep" and who are those sheep? YOUR KIDS! Your most important calling right now is being a mommy and wife. If you happen to help make a friend or neighbor's day a little better, (like you've done for me SEVERAL times) great. But that's not your most important calling. There's ALWAYS someone to help and more you can do- I'm hoping when our kids aren't so little we'll be able to do much more. But right now, please don't ever feel like you're not doing enough. Your kids are beautiful and healthy and happy- you're doing an awesome job! Love you!

Crystal said...

I've seriously started about three comments to this post . . . and then decided to abandon them all. I have no advice. All I can say is, I know EXACTLY how you feel. I just read an article about it the other day, about how when we have kids and get caught up in life that we just "check out" of friendships--maybe we maintain one or two, but that's it. And the thesis of the article was . . . it's ok! In fact, half or most of your friends are feeling the exact same way probably.

So, I suppose my advice is . . . don't sweat it! :)

JennVan said...

Hi Shannon, hard aren't they. :) Something that I've learned in the last few years has been how much we do things for people when its really about ourselves. So much of what we do is to alleviate our own anxiety about someone else's trials. We feel sorry or sad for them or want to help them in some way so we "do" something instead of "be" something. Sometimes there is not anything we can do to help other than just letting them know we are there and see the trials they are enduring. And that is all they may need from us. I have found it helpful to ask someone what they need. Some people don't know what they need, which is fine, and just letting them know that you are ready to be present with them in whatever is going on can be an immense support and strength. Its says, I'm there with you.
My belief is that Christ did the same thing with many of his disciples. He didn't take away their burdens or do anything for them, he was with them in those trials. If you want any more thoughts, I'd be happy to share.
Hope that helps. :)